Welcome to the Mr. Cope’s Cave extra-special presentation of the pre-eclipse eclipse—or, if you will, “The Preclipse!” It is our earnest intent to put on-line THE FIRST solar eclipse you will see today, and to that purpose, we will be scheduling the post time for two hours earlier than normal, at 6 A.M.—well before there is even a sun in the sky to be eclipsed!
Furthermore, we are enhancing this posting with a veritable CORNUCOPIA of formatting variations not usually found in this blog. For instance, along with a generous offering of Italics, there will be a more emphatic use of ALL CAPS, Bold and Underline. We are also excited about the extraordinary number of Exclamation Points (!) we have gathered here-in for your Preclipse experience!!!!!
We are confident you will understand that with this sort of extra service, we must charge a bit more for today’s blog in order to cover the cost of bringing you so many added features. So for today only, the price of “Mr. Cope’s Cave” will rise from the ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you are accustomed to paying, to $665.99. (The original price first agreed on by our finance division was an even $666. But an alert intern raised the question as to whether it would be wise to combine in people’s minds the Number of the Beast with a Total Eclipse of the Sun!!!!!)
You may arrange with Pay-Pal, if you wish, to cover our fee. Or you could send us a certified check, paid directly to Mr. Cope. Or you can pay by card—DEBIT ONLY—but you must add $14.80 in carrying charges. Or you could simply drive over here and hand me a wad of cash. Just make sure that you do it before viewing our presentation of THE PRECLIPSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For those who might protest that the eclipse we are selling you this morning cannot possibly be the same eclipse that has sent thousands and thousands (and thousands and thousands) of people to places like Madras, Oregon and Weiser, Idaho, as that eclipse has yet to occur, we remind you: What you are about to see is EXACTLY the same sun and EXACTLY the same moon doing EXACTLY the same thing as those people in Madras and Weiser will be witnessing later in the day. We simply got our eclipse ready for viewing some five hours earlier than that other one!!!!!!!!
Now, without further ado, we give you the “Mr. Cope’s Cave production of …
THE PRECLIPSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Please double check to make sure your Pay-Pal remittance has gone through before clicking on this video.)