The Photo-Slop-In-Chief: Part 1

 

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Alas, my computer skills do not include being able to manipulate visual images. What do the kids call it? … photo-chop?

 Anyway, it’s too damn bad. I have THE BEST idea for an Internet thingie … meme … whatever … and I can’t do anything about it. At least, not without help. So I’m asking any of you out there in Facebook land (or blog burg, for that matter) who are good at photo-mopping pictures, please get in touch. I have a deal for you. See, I’ll tell you what I want, and you do it. And if we reach a billion hits … clicks … up-thumbs … whatever … I’ll cut you in on the profits. Probably.

So if you’re a crackerjack photo-jobber and are interested in getting a billion people to pay attention to you, give me a call at 555-123 … hey wait a minute. This probably isn’t a good idea, is it? I don’t want just any Tom, Dick and crazy drunked-up MAGA-hat asshole calling me up in the middle of the night, do I? So how about if you give me your phone number and I’ll get hold of you. Just write it in the comment section below along with all of your qualifications and accomplishments as a photo-cropper. You won’t regret it. Such a great idea, don’t you think?

So then, I’ll be looking forward to hearing from you.

* * * * * *

Uh, I forgot to tell you what the idea is. Oops. Ha ha, stupid me.

So anyway, it’s about this news that the creep has big posters of himself on the cover of Time magazine hanging in his golf clubhouses. There’s a big headline, situated under a pose of him trying to look intelligent, announcing about what a smash hit “The Apprentice” is. Or “was,” as the magazine issue is dated March, 2009.

Only thing is—as you’ve undoubtedly heard by now—they’re as fake as Melania’s smile when she’s with him. There never was such an issue of Time magazine. Yes, he has been on the cover of Time, before and since 2009, but not then, and not for that reason.

So my idea is If he thinks it’s okay to photo-drop his ugly mug onto the cover of Time, then it’s okay for me to photo-drop his ugly mug onto the covers of any magazine I choose. That is, if I knew how to photo-drop.

And that’s where you come in, my dear future collaborator. I will spend the next couple of days assembling ideas for which magazines to photo-flop his face onto and going through the resumes you all send me. Then, after I’ve picked the very best photo-flopper to apply, I’ll hand all my ideas over and he—or she; Mr. Cope’s Cave is an equal opportunity employer—can do all the rest. And hopefully, by Monday, I’ll be able to post some great photo-slopped Internet thingies. Meme’s. Whatever. I am so jacked!

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