Nothing To See Here

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In lieu of anything worth reading in today’s Mr. Cope’s Cave, we are inserting a couple of cat pictures, as we know how much Internet users love cat pictures,

COPE HAS ASKED THAT WE, THE ADMINISTRATIVE STAFF OF MR. COPE’S CAVE, POST THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TODAY IS THAT DAY FOR WHICH I HAVE BEEN PREPARING YOU—TO WIT, A REGULARLY SCHEDULED DAY FOR NEW POSTINGS IN MR. COPE’S CAVE THAT WILL NOT—REPEAT: WILL NOT—BE PROVIDING A NEW POSTING FOR YOUR READING ENJOYMENT, OWING TO THE CIRCUMSTANCE THAT MR. COPE DIDN’T GET ANYTHING NEW WRITTEN.—SIGNED: MR. COPE

 WE ASKED MR. COPE WHY HE FELT THE NEED TO MAKE SUCH AN ANNOUNCEMENT, SEEING THAT IF THERE IS INDEED NOTHING NEW TO POST TODAY, WOULDN’T IT MAKE MORE SENSE TO SIMPLY LET THE DAY SLIP BY WITHOUT EMPHASIZING THE TOTAL LACK OF ANY JUSTIFICATION FOR OUR REGULAR READERS TO VISIT MR. COPE’S CAVE ON THIS DATE? … THAT BY POSTING SUCH A DECLARATION, WE ARE DRAWING UNWANTED ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR ANYONE TO BE HERE? … THAT, IN A WAY, WE ARE INSULTING OUR AUDIENCE BY MAKING THEM FEEL FOOLISH FOR SITTING THERE, WASTING THE PRECIOUS TIME IT TAKES TO READ HOW THERE IS NOTHING TO READ?

“NO,” HE SAID. “IF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN COMING TO MR. COPE’S CAVE ON THE REGULARLY SCHEDULED DAYS, THEN THEY WILL COME HERE TODAY, AS USUAL. AND IT IS ONLY POLITE TO TELL THEM SOMETHING, EVEN IF IT IS ONLY THAT THERE IS NOTHING HERE FOR THEM TODAY.

“THINK OF IT THIS WAY,” HE CONTINUED. “LET US SAY WE WERE IN THE BUSINESS OF SELLING FRESH OYSTERS. AND EVERY FRIDAY, THE SAME PEOPLE CAME TO OUR OYSTER STORE TO PURCHASE A BUCKET OF OYSTERS FOR THEIR EVENING MEAL. THEN CAME A FRIDAY ON WHICH WE DIDN’T GET OUR REGULAR SHIPMENT OF OYSTERS, AND HAD NONE TO SELL. WOULD WE JUST LOCK THE DOORS, DRAW THE SHADES, AND LET OUR FAITHFUL CUSTOMERS WANDER FRANTICALLY ABOUT OUTSIDE ON THE STREET, WONDERING HOW SUCH A THING COULD HAPPEN? … THAT THEY WOULD HAVE TO ENDURE A FRIDAY WITHOUT OYSTERS, AND WITH NO EXPLANATION?

“NO,” HE KEPT CONTINUING. “WE WOULD KEEP THE DOORS OPEN SO THAT OUR CUSTOMERS COULD ENTER AND HEAR FACE-TO-FACE, FROM THE VERY PEOPLE THEY HAVE TRUSTED FOR THEIR FRIDAY OYSTERS, WHY THERE WOULD BE NO OYSTERS THIS PARTICULAR FRIDAY. IT’S THE ONLY DECENT THING TO DO. WHAT’S MORE, IT WOULD GIVE THOSE POOR SOULS THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE ALTERNATIVE PLANS FOR THEIR FRIDAY EVENING MEALS. HAMBURGER HELPER, PERHAPS. OR CORN DOGS.”

WE MIGHT HAVE DEBATED THE FINER DISTINCTIONS BETWEEN WRITING POLITICAL OPINIONS AND SELLING OYSTERS, BUT IT WOULD HAVE DONE LITTLE GOOD. MR. COPE IS NOT ONE TO CHANGE HIS MIND. AND, HE IS THE BOSS, AFTER ALL.

ALTHOUGH, HE DID NOT SAY THAT WE COULDN’T APOLOGIZE TO REGULARS WHO FEEL THEY HAVE WASTED THEIR PRECIOUS TIME BY READING THIS.  SO, TO THOSE WHO COULD HAVE BEEN READING SOMETHING ELSE—SOMETHING WITH MORE SUBSTANCE—WE ARE DEEPLY SORRY.— THE ADMINISTRATIVE STAFF OF MR. COPE’S CAVE.

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Warning: Some cat pictures included here-in might not be suitable for the general audience.
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