In an unparalleled partnership with hundreds of top-notch EPA, NASA, NIH, Dept. of Education and State Department personnel …
… who have suddenly found themselves with nothing to do in light of the administration’s purge of all research related to climate change, women’s health concerns, lead poisoning, Russian election meddling and black lung disease, we here at Mr. Cope’s Cave are conducting an exhaustive scientific inquiry into the critical matter of who is stupider: those people who voted for Trump, or those people who didn’t vote at all.
Hopefully, whenever this study is complete and we are able to make our findings public, the results will be helpful to our readers in practical ways, such as picking people to be on your bowling team, finding a barber you can spend a half-hour with without getting violent, or choosing a mate with which to have children.
If you are an American citizen who either 1) voted for Trump, or 2) didn’t bother to vote at all, and you wish to take part in this important survey, you are invited to donate your brain. We suggest you put it in a semi-clean, used yogurt cup, pack it tightly so as it doesn’t rattle around too much in transit, and send it over-night delivery to:
The American Institute of Who’s the Dumbest; Suite 7 in the “This Building Reserved for Smart People” Building; Nowhere-in-Idaho Boulevard; Mensa City, OR.
We will see that that your brain gets the attention it rightfully deserves—Thank you
p.s. While it is not necessary that we know your name, age and sex, do make sure you send a note explaining which category you belong to. (If you’ve forgotten what the categories are, got back and re-read the first paragraph.)