Where Do I Go For An Interview?

How does that work, anyway?

If you can find any relationship between this illustration and the essay that follows, you’re a better man than me.

That “paid protester” gig, I’m talking about. Is there, like, an agency they sign up at? A union, maybe? Or do they gather on a certain street corner early in the morning, and when the contractor drives up, first ones who hop on the back of his truck get the job?

They’re probably day labor temps, wouldn’t you think? Every day, a different town hall meeting to demand answers at, or Planned Parenthood rally to fill out. And while I’m asking … wouldn’t you think a town hall assignment would pay more than a stint outside a Planned Parenthood center? See, at the town hall, they might be expected to actually get on the mike and testify how Obamacare saved their child’s life, or how public lands should be kept public for posterity, or how the politician in question is doing American school kids such a dirty by voting for Betsy DeVos’ confirmation. Yet, at the PP rally out on the street, all they have to do is keep up with the chanting.  You see what I mean, don’t you?—it’s the difference between having a solo to sing in a musical, and just being a member of the chorus. Surely, the pay scale isn’t the same.

And do they have to have training in the field? I don’t mean like a college degree in Protest Engineering or anything like that. But there might be an associate degree, maybe a Certificate of Completion, a GED diploma or Journeyman’s card they have to get, huh? And do you suppose a school counselor steered them into the angry citizen biz early on? … or did they answer an ad in a magazine?

And say they get caught sluffing off. For instance, they’re not giving the demonstration 100-percent, or they’re slipping out back for a smoke every 10 minutes, or taking a quick snooze when they’re supposed to be bellowing “DO YOUR JOB!” Can they get fired? If so, surely there must be some disgruntled former paid protesters running around, complaining to Fox News how they were treated so poorly by the resistance management. I can even imagine one or two of them suing whomever hired them. Discriminatory practices, right? So that means there are lawyers somewhere, holding press conferences about the injustices their clients have endured. Just makes sense, doesn’t it?

And who hires them, anyway? Maybe it is that George Soros guy like all the right-wingers claim. According to them, Soros is funding so many center-left conspiracies, it’s a wonder he has any time left to make money.

But whether it’s Soros or somebody else paying all these outside agitators and crazy-eyed activists, there has to be some mechanism involved, right? Some way of getting word out there’s work to be had in … oh, say … Arkansas, at a Tom Cotton’s town hall, or Iowa, where they roasted Chuck Grassley’s old dried-up nuts.

Or even here in Idaho. Like, when all those people turned out for a town hall with Senator Crapo—and by “all those people,” I am not including Senator Crapo, as he didn’t make it. So were all of them getting a check? … or just part of them?  And if it was just part of them, were they ordered not to tell the amateurs how much they made, lest the “What-the-hell-am-I-doing-here-for-free?” issue came up.

And do they deduct taxes from what they get paid, or is it all under the table?

Another thing—how’d they know where to go to get on the payroll? I didn’t see anything about it in the Statesman want ads, or on the bulletin board in my local Albertsons. So maybe it was on Craigslist—which seems a little risky, when you think about it, considering it’s supposed to be this big, dark, leftist secret.

One thing I do know. Some of those ‘paid protesters’ are awfully good at what they do. Considering that it’s essentially an acting gig, right?—so zealously pretending to be angry or fearful, committed or confrontational, when all they really came for was the money—it seems to me most of the speakers I’ve heard are pretty damn convincing at acting like regular people. Better than 90-percent of what you see on television reality shows, and better than 100-percent of what you see from the Republican Congressional leadership.

Seriously, they seem so darn real when they speak about what the Affordable Care Act did for their families … or how outraged they are that Congressman So-And-So won’t investigate the Orange Pig’s involvement with the Moscow Swine … or how ardent they have become in their dedication to the civil rights of others. I swear, maybe next year, there should be a special category in the Oscar awards. Something like, “Best Portrayal of a Good, Concerned Citizen by a Paid Protester.”

I mean, honestly, they’re doing a lot better job at earning their pay than the assholes in Congress are, am I wrong?

 (Incidentally, I wanted to say something in regards to Mike Crapo. Since no one’s been successful at getting our “Senator” to show up at a town hall, I’ve suggested they set out a bowl of vodka somewhere near to the venue. Probably won’t work as I suspect he has plenty of access to vodka, but you never know. And obviously, appealing to any sense of responsibility he still feels to his constituents isn’t going to do the trick.)

No, this picture doesn’t have anything to do with the post either. I just couldn’t come up with anything appropriate, okay? So hang me.

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