Out Of The Office: Will Return In whenigetgoddamngoodandready Minutes

stock-vector-test-pattern-website-error-sign-93763972-1[416].jpg

ONCE AGAIN, WE REGRET TO INFORM OUR FAITHFUL READERSHIP THAT MR. COPE’S CAVE WILL NOT BE PRESENTING ANYTHING ORIGINAL ON THIS MORNING, AS MR. COPE CHOSE TO GO ON VACATION OVER THE WEEKEND RATHER THAN PRODUCE A POST.

WE ASSURE YOU THAT THOSE OF US IN UPPER MANAGEMENT TRIED OUR BEST TO DISSUADE HIM FROM THIS COURSE OF ACTION, ARGUING THAT, AT PRESENT, CONDITIONS IN AMERICA—INDEED, THE WORLD—ARE SO FLUIDLY UNSETTLED, FOR ANY INDIVIDUAL ENGAGED IN THE FIELD OF OPINION FORMATION TO SKIP OFF FOR TWO DAYS OF CARE-FREE R&R BORDERS ON DERELICTION OF DUTY.

HOWEVER, MR. COPE INSISTED. IN HIS WORDS: “WHEN THE HELL BETTER TIME IS THERE FOR AN OPINIONIZER TO GET AWAY FROM THIS CONSTANT BARRAGE OF GROTESQUE BULLSHIT THAN WHEN THE SOURCE OF IT ALL, HIMSELF, HAS SHUFFLED OFF DOWN TO MUMBO FARGO TO PIDDLE-FART THE WEEKEND AWAY ON A FUGGIN GOLF COURSE?”

WE UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY WHAT MR. COPE WAS TELLING US—THOUGH IT TOOK A WHILE TO FIGURE OUT THAT WHEN HE SAID “MUMBO FARGO,” HE MEANT “MAR-A-LAGO.” WE ALSO SYMPATHIZE WITH HIS YEARNING TO SPEND EVEN AN HOUR OR TWO, LET ALONE A WEEKEND, WITHOUT ONCE HAVING THE WORD “TRUMP” ENTER INTO HIS THOUGHTS.

YET AT THE SAME TIME, WE FEEL THAT EVEN IF “THE SOURCE OF IT” ALL IS PIDDLE-FARTING AROUND ON SOME GOLF COURSE, THE “CONSTANT BARRAGE OF GROTESQUE BULLSHIT” GOES ON, OWING IN NO SMALL PART TO THE GROTESQUE FIGURES WITH WHICH THE PIDDLE-FARTER-IN-CHIEF HAS SURROUNDED HIMSELF. FURTHERMORE, WE THINK THOSE OF US IN THE “OP-COM-BIZ,” AS WE CALL OUR INDUSTRY, ARE BEING GROSSLY NEGLIGENT IF WE DON’T MAINTAIN A CONSISTENT LEVEL OF ANALYTICAL ACTIVITY DIRECTED TO, IF NOTHING ELSE, CALLING OUT THE CONSTANT GROTESQUE BULLSHIT FOR WHAT IT IS.

BESIDES, IT’S NOT LIKE MR. COPE WENT UP INTO THE HILLS TO FISH, OR TRAVELED TO WARMER CLIMES FOR SOME WIND SAILING SKIING SURFING …  WHATEVER THAT WAS OBAMA WAS DOING LAST WEEK. NO, HE SPENT THE ENTIRE WEEKEND IN THE BASEMENT, DOING CROSSWORD PUZZLES AND EATING CORNFLAKES WITH CANNED PEACHES.

WE ARE CONFIDENT THAT WHEN THE PIDDLE-FARTER IS BACK IN WASHINGTON, ONCE AGAIN WREAKING HAVOC ON THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF CIVILIZED BEHAVIOR, MR. COPE WILL REJOIN THE EFFORT. AND HOPEFULLY, HE WILL BE SUFFICIENTLY REFRESHED FROM THE TWO DAYS HE SPENT IGNORING EVERY GODDAMN ATTEMPT WE MADE TO GET HIS LAZY ASS BACK TO WORK.

IN LIEU OF ANY NEW BLOG MATERIAL, WE INVITE YOU TO ENJOY THE FOLLOWING MUSICAL INTERLUDE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE—THE MANAGEMENT.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s