I am outraged!
OUTRAGED, I tell you! The worst snowfall in … like, EVER … or at least since we moved here from Bakersfield … and I am STILL waiting for the damn ACHD to plow the streets around my house! What in the hell is wrong with those guys? Don’t they know that even a record-shattering, once-in-a-100-years event is going to come along eventually!? And anyway, who is it down there that’s supposed to be keeping track of when the 100 years are up, huh? Brother, did he drop the damn ball!
And while I’m at it, when are we going to get those tornado sirens that none of our city hall hot shots have even had the guts to propose yet? Yeah yeah, I know. I’m not an idiot, dammit! I know we don’t get hardly any tornadoes around here. But you just watch! One of these days, somebody’s gonna get all smashed up and killed by a tornado that no one knew was coming because the warning sirens we didn’t even know we needed weren’t up yet, and when that happens, somebody should have to answer for it!
Oh, and where are those levees along the river that our chickenshit, so-called, “public officials” haven’t even gotten around to telling us we will definitely need if we ever get that five-hundred-year flood that every damn river in the world gets eventually, even if it takes a thousand years!? What’s up with that!? Ain’t there no such thing as accountability around here!?
And hey, while you’re on the phone complaining to someone, you might ask where the emergency hurricane shelters in your neighborhood are. Right? See how the bureaucratic bastards wiggle out of that one, HA HA! Probably’ll come up with some run-around bullcrap about how no one is “foreseeing the need for hurricane shelters at present.” Yeah … right!
Say, while I’m thinking about it, does Boise have a contingency plan yet for if a comet collides with Earth? I’d bet a dollar to a dog turd they don’t. Damn lazy-ass mayor. What the holy hell has he been doing all this time? Huh?
Oh … PHOOIE! It’s snowing again! Where am I supposed to put it this time, Goddammit! I have a good mind to load it up in my car and take it over to Dave freaking Bieter’s house and dump it in his driveway! Or somebody’s! Goddammit! Who is in charge here, ANYWAY!?
Shit. Shoulda never left Bakersfield. Tell you what … they’d had this damn snow picked and and shipped out the next morning. Think I’ll go write a letter to the editor about what I think of these local screw-ups. Maybe post something on Facebook.
That’ll show ’em!