DON’T GO AWAY! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK … (hopefully)

 

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MR. COPE’S CAVE IS EXPERIENCING A TEMPORARY DISRUPTION OF SERVICES RESULTING FROM A STOPPAGE ON THE BLOG PRODUCTION LINE OWING TO THE SUDDEN INCAPACITATION OF OUR CHIEF ENGINEER—THAT BEING MR. COPE. WE EXPECT TO RESUME OPERATIONS SHORTLY, AS SOON AS HE (MR. COPE) RECOVERS FROM LEARNING THAT DONALD TRUMP HAS PULLED EVEN WITH HILLARY CLINTON IN THE RACE FOR THE PRESIDENCY, ACCORDING TO RECENTLY RELEASED POLLS. UPON HEARING THAT THERE IS NOW A SOMEWHAT-SUBSTANTIALLY-MORE-THAN-A-SNOWBALL’S-CHANCE-IN-HELL CHANCE THAT MR. TRUMP COULD POSSIBLY BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, MR. COPE WENT AS RIGID AS A FROZEN CHORIZO, SCREAMED “THIS CAN NOT BE HAPPENING!”, AND CLATTERED TO THE FLOOR LIKE A POOL CUE SLIDING OFF THE BACK OF A CHAIR. OUR HUMAN-TECH SUPPORT TEAM (HTS) HAS ASSURED US THERE IS NO CAUSE FOR UNDUE ALARM, ADDING THAT MR. COPE IS EXPERIENCING NOTHING MORE THAN A TEMPORARY OVERLOAD OF INTENSE DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE MORAL CHARACTER AND INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY OF APPROXIMATELY 40-PERCENT OF HIS FELLOW AMERICANS. AT PRESENT, HE IS SAID TO BE DROOLING LIKE A NURSING BABY, MUTTERING A STEADY STREAM OF HOPELESSNESS AND DESPAIR (E.G.,”FUCK ME, THE DROOGS SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH AFTERALL!”) AND QUIVERING AS THOUGH VISIONS OF THE APOCALYPSE INCARNATE WERE UNREELING BEFORE HIS EYES. ALTHOUGH HE IS CURRENTLY UNABLE EVEN TO GET HIMSELF TO THE BATHROOM WITHOUT HELP, THE HTS TEAM INSISTS THAT AS SOON AS MR. COPE PROCESSES THE INFORMATION THROUGH HIS INNATE-TRUST-IN-THE-ULTIMATE-DECENCY-OF-HUMAN-NATURE APP, HE WILL RECOVER AND GET BACK TO WORK. IN THE MEANTIME, WE WILL ENTERTAIN YOU WITH A MUSICAL INTERLUDE—10 HOURS OF IT, SHOULD MR. COPE’S RECOVERY TAKE LONGER THAN EXPECTED. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE.—THE MANAGEMENT

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