Michelania’s Speech

Normally …

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Remember this picture. You’ll see what I mean later

… I post only two items a week, plus another chapter of The Secret of Cawley’s Skull. However, something has come up that I simply cannot ignore or delay until next week. It has to do with the mystery of how Melania Trump could have used so much of the same speech Michele Obama delivered eight years ago.

Oh yeah, I know. You thought you’d heard the last of that embarrassing episode, and probably even think you know how it happened.  You probably believe there is one of two possible explanations: 1) Some inept, lazy staff speech writer filled out Melania’s convention speech—a speech Melania initially claimed to have written, but then admitted she had only approved it—with Michele’s words … OR … 2) Melania actually did write the speech and is guilty of the obvious plagarism, herself.

No no no! You’re all wrong. It was neither of those. I realized it just today (Thursday) when I heard that Paul Manafort, Donald Trump’s campaign manager, was repeating an accusation made earlier in the week by a campaign spokesperson, Katrina Pierson. The accusation was that the real villains in the death of  Humayun Khan were Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, for instituting policies in the first place that put Cpt. Khan in greater danger.

When it was pointed out to Ms. Pierson that Captain Khan was killed in 2004, five years before Obama became president, she admitted that her timeline was somewhat off. But evidently, Paul Manafort disagrees. Just this morning (Thursday, and don’t make me tell you again), Manafort reasserted the connection with Captain Khan’s death and Obama’s policies.

And I got to thinking … What if he’s right?! Think about it! According to the Birther crowd, among which Donald Trump is like what Dr. Phil is to the Screwy Family Dynamics crowd, Obama was able to be born in another country, then somehow or other make it appear he was born in Hawaii, all because there was this incredible plot going on—in which Obama was the mastermind—to make a Kenyan Muslim (Obama) president of the United States almost 50 years later.

How did he do that? Huh?

Well … DUH!

That Kenyan Muslim bastard has a time machine! Count on it!

I don’t know how he got it. Probably George Soros had it built for him just like that billionaire John Hurt had that wormhole travel machine built for Jodie Foster … another very suspicious person, by the way … in that movie Contact. Remember that one?

At least, I think it was John Hurt. It was either him or that guy who always plays those limey creepos, uh … oh yeah, that Ian McKlellan-Holm guy.

Anyway, that’s how these things work. Billionaires can buy any damn thing they want. That’s what makes them billionaires. And buying a time machine ain’t nothing to those billionaire guys. Have you seen some of the yachts they own? Next to those yachts, a time machine is like unsalted peanuts in a bowling alley bar.

So, as you can see, from 2009 to today, when Obama fulfilled his life-long dream to hoodwink the American people into believing he was one of them and become President of the United States, he had plenty of opportunity to go back to 2004 and mess things up enough to get Humayun Khan killed. It probably happened one of those times he said he was going to one of his daughters’ birthday parties or something. Remember? Did you actually see him at any of those things? Huh?

Well, neither did I.

And the thing is, if Barack has a time machine—and how else could he have done it, huh? … ask yourself that—what’s gonna stop Michele from getting in it some night when all the Secret Service guys are out tying one on, jumping forward to 2016, and plagarizing Melania’s speech, then going back to 2008 and using those same words in her speech.

Damn! I wish I’d thought of this three weeks ago. I’d be a national figure by now.

Or, if nothing else, a top advisor on the Trump team.

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See what I mean? Huh? Huh?